Blue Eyes and White Lies

A writer, lover, thinker, and midwestern, book-loving sexpot.

How to Deal With Jehovah’s Witnesses


**Please note: This is FICTION.**

There’s a knock at the door, which is strange, but I open it anyway. Two guys stand there with pamphlets in their hands. I’m not wearing a bra and my shirt covers my shorts so it looks like I’m pantsless. The wintery cold air hits my chest and I see the younger of them glance down, then look away.

Hi, do you have a minute? the older asks.

Sure, I say and I bend down to scratch my ankle, letting my shirt fall forward a bit.

The older of the two starts talking about natural disasters and how the world is turning to shit and the whole time I’m staring at the younger guy biting my lip. He smiles and looks at the older man and nods.

Wouldn’t you agree? he says.

It’s cold, do you two want to come inside?

Oh no, we couldn’t go in there.

But I’m freezing. And all this stuff your saying is turning me on.

Excuse me?

I’m not interested, I say. I stretch and lift my chest in the air and I see them both look away into the distance.

Well, sorry to bother you, the older one says.

He shuts my door and I go back to sitting in my blankets.


Author: Dallas Kelly

I love telling stories and interacting with new people.

2 thoughts on “How to Deal With Jehovah’s Witnesses

  1. This made me smile. I harbor no ill will toward them and I have cordially invited them in my house out of curiosity to hear them out (as I would hope anyone would do for me), but I have never attempted this tactic. Being a male, I doubt it would be as effective, although it might even be more so I suppose. However, reading this was very amusing and arousing. Oh, the picture in my head right now which will distract me for a while yet to come. Haha


    • I’ve not attempted it either. I had initially planned to write a personal note after a visit from them today and this was tagged as non-fiction. I had to leave for a few hours and when I returned I rewrote it in the voice of a protagonist I’m working with. I hit ‘publish,’ left my apartment and when I came back I realized my mistake. Oops!

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